How close is too close? Leadership in care

How close should a manager be to their employees? The honest answer: close enough to truly see what someone needs. But not so close that the line between work and private life blurs. For anyone who works in care or leads care staff, this is not an abstract question. It decides whether a team works well in the long run or whether the relationship eventually tips over.

The question good leaders ask themselves

Igor, Managing Director at Open Care, regularly asks himself this question in the leadership team: How close is close enough, and how close is too close? And not only from the employees' point of view, but also from the manager's own. He knows managers who know the personal story of almost every employee. What their children are called. Whether someone has a dog. Whether the child is ill or an elderly mother currently needs support. Some take this for granted. Others find it intrusive. And both sides have a point. This debate is worthwhile. Especially in intensive care, where the team works under high pressure and personal burdens quickly spill over into the shift, a clear stance is needed. Not as a rule, but as orientation.

"We are one big family": why this sentence is risky

Many care providers advertise with the sentence "We are all one big family." The intention behind it is understandable: creating a sense of belonging, strengthening bonds, bringing the team together. But the sentence has a catch. You don't choose a family. You owe it something. You are there for each other, even when you are at your own limit. When an employer invokes a family feeling, it can quickly turn into an unspoken expectation: Always be there. Be flexible. Put the team above yourself. This is exactly what Igor describes as problematic. When employers use this slogan to create closeness, the relationship between employee and employer can quickly become toxic. Not because closeness is bad. But because it goes beyond the actual framework of the employment relationship and boundaries blur in the process. This hits especially hard in care, where a lot of emotional energy already flows into the team and into the care provided. Anyone who also feels permanently obligated to the "family business" burns out faster.

What this stance means in practice at Open Care

At Open Care, the stance is clearly formulated: We are not a family. Your family is at home. My family is at home. We meet at work to achieve something together. That sounds sober, but it isn't. Because this sentence protects. It makes clear that employees' private lives belong to them. That nobody is obliged to give more than what the work requires. And that Open Care as an employer has their back, so that employees can live with their real family. At the same time, this does not mean indifference prevails. Igor describes several needs people have at work: being seen, experiencing appreciation, feeling that they contribute something. All of this is possible without delving into other people's private lives. You can show someone that their work counts without knowing what their children are called. In practice, for locations such as Alpen, Wesel or Moers, this means: clear structures, reliable communication, and leadership that asks what someone needs, not what is currently going on at their home.

Where is the healthy line between closeness and distance?

There is no universal answer to how much closeness is right. It depends on the person, the role and the team. But there are a few guiding questions that can help. As a manager, it is worth asking: Does someone share something with me voluntarily, or do I actively ask about things that actually are none of my business? Do I use what I know about someone to lead better, or to justify expectations? As an employee, the question is similar: Do I feel seen and valued, or do I feel watched and judged? Do I feel that my boundaries are respected? Good leadership in intensive care, and this applies in Rheinberg just as in Kamp-Lintfort, creates an environment in which people can give their best. Not because they belong to the family, but because they count as a person.

What this means for the care sector as a whole

The care sector is under pressure. Skilled staff are scarce, the workload is high, and retaining good staff is one of the key challenges. The wish to keep the team through a strong sense of belonging is understandable. But retention through an intrusive family narrative does not work in the long run. It creates dependencies and feelings of guilt, not real loyalty. Employees stay where they are treated well. Where their time is respected. Where leadership is reliable and promises are kept. This is not a soft topic. It is a hard-nosed question of recruiting and retaining staff. If you like, you can also look at how the labour market in care is coming under pressure in general: Bertelsmann study: Care sector to lose 230,000 jobs. At Open Care, the answer to the pressure is not the family metaphor. It is a clear stance: respect for privacy, appreciation in everyday work, and leadership that has the team's back.